Intimacy Before Purpose: The Cry of a Lover

My relationship with Christ is simply that— a relationship. It is not just spiritual but it is also emotional. Because of this, there are emotional needs that I have learned to have met by the Father. 

Affection. Acceptance. Validation. Autonomy. Security. Trust. Empathy. Prioritization. Connection. Space.

Before I am created for purpose, I am made for intimacy— emotionally and spiritually with the Father, with Christ Himself, with the Person of the Holy Spirit— PERFECT TRINITY. 

My body is a temple. It is a living sacrifice to a living God.

I do not own my body. I simply steward over the temple that has been entrusted to me.

I am not my own. I belong to the Lord. As clay in the hands of the potter, so I give my life completely over to you. Every detail of my life is ordained by the law of the Lord for your Word is life to me. It lights up my path. You show me the way to go.

For you alone, oh Lord, hold the words of eternal life.

You are my reward. To drink from your well, to sit at your feet, to gaze upon you you are my reward. Intimacy is all I’m after. I was created to be rest. Naked vulnerability before the Father— a garden of Eden reality restored.

I was created for vulnerability, to be vulnerable with you.

Deliver me from fear. Deliver me from the lies of self-protection, self-preservation, and self-promotion. I hold on to self because I do not believe that I am safe. But the truth is the self is not reliable; only you are. You call me to die because you know it offers no eternal security. You call me to die because you want me to live. You call me to die because you love me. Because you have my highest good in mind. This is why you say:

Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39

This is not the call of a distant God in the sky. This is the call of an intimate, radical lover.

I am yours. I am safest in your arms.

I have lived a lie for so long. Is it possible to let you into the places where the lies of Satan have had residence for so long? The power of God, no, the love of God is greater than the presence of darkness. Love is the greatest force for my God is a God of love, He Himself is love.

I invite your love to come in. I invite your love to come in and wash over every lie. I invite you into every grey, barren, dark, and obscure area of my life. Over my family, my future, down to my sexuality— everything is yours. Purify me. Cleanse me. Wash me in your blood once more. Daily, I need your blood to purify me. Daily I desire to be wrapped in your arms, to be reminded that you are enough for me.

My greatness comes from knowing you. I am great because I am loved by you. I am successful because I am seen by you. I could never earn this greatness or success; it is simply a gift from the Father.

You are my gift to me. Your presence is my gift.

I am grateful to know. I am grateful to be created by you. You know what I need. You know who I am. You know how to provide for every single one of my needs. Deliver me from fear! Deliver me from the lies of self-protection, self-preservation, and self-promotion.

Whom have I in Heaven but you?

I need not run from you, I need not hide from you. For you have created all things and your presence is in all places. There is no hiding with you.

You see me. You know me better than I know myself.

I invite you in to know me. Yes, you have always known me. But now I make an active invitation to be known by you. I make the active invitation so that you can begin to reveal that which has always been true— your love, your nearness, your grace, your mercy.

Reveal yourself to me. Reveal your nearness. Reveal your heart. You care for me. You love me.

You are not ashamed of my sin. You are not ashamed of my past. You are not ashamed of my fear. You are not ashamed of my backsliding. You have worked all of this in your perfect plan over my life.

I am covered by the blood.

What more can I say?

I can’t live without you. I can’t breathe without you.

Oh tell me, what can I do, I can’t live with you, God. I can’t breathe with you.

You are the Most High God. You are worthy of all praise, glory, and honor. You are worthy of my life. You are worthy of my devotion.

You are worthy of every sacrifice.

Because you have freely given yourself to me, how could I not long to give all that I am in return? Freely we give, for freely we have received.

I am delivered from fear! I am delivered from self-protection, self-preservation, and self-promotion! I am delivered from self the moment I say yes to your love.

When I say yes to your love which is the beginning and the end of my identity, my worth, and my value— I am delivered from self.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20).

I am delivered from self.

I don’t have to worry about how I will provide for myself. I do not have to fret over evildoers (Psalm 37:1). I don’t have to worry about persecution or rejection. I don’t have to fret over what tomorrow will look like. I don’t have to stress about my calling or where you will take me.

Why?

Because I am loved by you.

Your love covers a multitude of sins. Your love defines me. Your love motivates my existence. I exist to love you. I was created to be loved by you, and upon this revelation of your deepest desire for me, to love you in return.

I lay my life down to love you.

I die to love you.

I say yes to love you.

I obey to love you.

I surrender to love.

I give to love you.

I live to love you.

All of who I am, is for love.

What do you want Lord? It is yours.

Whatever you ask of me. You can have it all.

I say yes, Lord yes, to your will and to your way. I say yes, Lord, Yes, I will trust you and obey. When your Spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I’ll agree and my answer will be YES, LORD YES.