I suffer from anxiety but most would never know.

Symptoms of my anxiety:

• overeating / emotional eating

• high productivity (always working)

• high functioning (staying on top of things, cleaning, obsession with work, and helping others/service)

• inability to rest (can’t shut things down), staying up all night thinking and creating

• over planning, consistently thinking through future plans and strategy to minimize failure or delays, an obsessive need to control

• perfectionism (checking everything 2-3, maybe even 5 times to make sure it’s in order), little grace for mistakes

• micromanaging others to make sure their work is also “perfect”

• ignoring stress, often using it as fuel to just do more work

• nail biting

• easily distracted! walking away from devotion time early, not able to stay focused on a given task to see it to completion. LITTLE TO NO PEACE!

• always listening to music as a way to avoid/run from my thoughts

Most people will never know I am anxious because I am high functioning, highly productive, and highly focused— but the Lord knows. And when He sees me spiraling He knows what to do… He will call me to fast and pray just to be close to Him, and for no other reason.

I can never fast and pray successfully on an anxious heart because my eyes are not truly on the Father. As I begin to fast, I’ll either be extremely legalistic or end up breaking it all altogether.

Wow! Over these last couple of days, as God has taken away all of my crutches (workaholism, food, and entertainment), I am realizing just how anxious I am!

How little I am trusting in the Lord even while claiming to “do His Will” in ministry. This is convicting and humbling to confess, that I have been highly productive out of a spirit of fear, and not a spirit of faith.

Thank you Holy Spirit for bringing this to the light!

I believe many ministers are wrestling with this. They are doing the work God has called them to do in the guise of “doing His Will”, and while yes they may be called, they are doing it out of the wrong spirit and therefore not bearing the fruit that God has intended for them before the foundations of the earth.

A spirit of fear has hit the church. We are not courageous; we are fear-motivated doing what we feel like we have to do to survive.

As your bride, Lord, we repent for in our planning and programming we have not trusted you.

As your prophet, as your daughter, as your disciple, in my ministry I have not been trusting you. I confess I have not been trusting you with the YouTube channel. I have not been trusting you with the shift in the ministry. I have been doing and doing and doing to try and prove to you that I’m ready but I can’t prove anything to you, you know my heart.

I am not ready for the next that you have for me and I need you to prepare me. I am desperately afraid of the shift, the transition, who I am, who you’re calling me to be, the magnitude of the promise, and in all of this my eyes are in the wrong place! I am afraid because I have made the “next” and the “numbers” the meditation of my heart.

My life and ministry have become about the people you’ve called me to serve and I have lost the discipline of first-love devotion. Why is the first thing I pray about the calling? Before I am called to a work, I am called to a relationship with you.

I’m not loving you, I am working for you. I am operating as a slave, not a son.

Oh Lord, I repent!

You knew this the whole time. I am ashamed of the darkness that has been lingering, residing in my heart.

Thank you! Thank you, for bringing this to light that I might turn back to you while there is still grace and hope for restoration.

I praise a God who is merciful and faithful to restore me.

Teach me your ways. How do I get back to first love?

Oh beloved, thank you! Thank you for allowing me to expose you. Thank you for letting the light in and enduring the discomfort. THANK YOU! Beloved thank you for humbling yourself to the sound of my voice. I know these last couple of weeks have been full of emotional turmoil. Thank you for fighting through it, to pressing into what I was desiring to speak through it.

Oh beloved, how proud I am of your maturity, of your choice to confess the ugliness of your heart (Romans 7:18).

The antidote to your anxiety is My Word.

You must discipline your life once more around My Word. You must meditate on my word. You must eat my word like never before. You must eat the scroll like never before. You must consume My Word. It is simple: eat the manna, the Word of God.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1

You must meet with me in My Word like you never have before for this is a new season of preparation. When you meet me in the scriptures, there is now fresh revelation waiting for you to prepare you for the more and the next that is awaiting you in the year of 2022.

It is time for you to experience revival in My Word.

Through a new and fresh devotion to My Word, you will see even this generational stronghold of anxiety broken off of you as you are filled with courage. The Word of God breeds courage in a generation. When you are filled with courage, there is no room for fear.

It is going to be supernatural.

You are not going to understand your hunger. It is going to be a gift because I have heard your cries for more. You have cried out for sanctification and now I will cleanse you with the washing of my word.

Oh my beloved, prepare for a revival for today is a new today! It is I that will pull you out from the grips of anxiety, delivering you from fear. It will not be of your own doing; it will be of my own doing. It will be my mercy for I have heard your cries.

Prepare for the greatest season of personal revival that you have ever experienced. Greater than what you experienced in 2018. The pull of My Word is going to be inexplainable. You are going to desire My Word more than any other pleasures that have once pulled you and you are going to have a distaste for the things that once brought you comfort, just as I did with so many other wordly pleasures that no longer bring you joy.

You are entering a season of deep and radical revival over the next 90 days that you might lead revival.

Are you ready? It begins now.