Personal Reflections: What God Taught Me in 2021 (Part 1)
Today the Holy Spirit led me to take some time to reflect on the core lessons he taught me in the past ~5 months of 2021. In October of 2020 God gave me a prophetic direction to take a gap semester in the Spring. I wrestled with the word but heeded to His direction. In February of 2021, my gap semester officially began. 12 weeks of no classes. I received three core instructions:
Build your online ministry
Build your online business
Serve the leaders of Princeton Revival
It was really easy during this time to get distracted from these assignments. At times, prioritizing other ministry efforts that were not these 3 core assignments. I did not steward over this season perfectly, but in my stumbling the Lord grew me in deeper levels of self-awareness and God-awareness as He slowed down the pace of my life.
He instructed me to take a break from Instagram, the place I had ministered faithfully for over 2 years. In full transparency, this was heartbreaking. But clearly the Lord knew I needed it more than I realized, more than I would have ever cared to admit.
Suddenly, my life went from 90 MPH to 20 MPH, and my eyes were opened to many of the cracks in my soul, heart, and mind that I was avoiding in the name of ministry and “purpose”. God challenged me to reassess what my true purpose was.
He said to me, “If the service to my people is pushing you to such a point of exhaustion that you are no longer obedient to my primary commandments, then you MUST cut back on your service because your first ministry is to my heart, not to man’s.”
— Your Father
All this being said, when God slowed down my life it wasn’t like I had any severe moral failings. I had been living righteously, obeying the Lord’s commands, leading a life of repentance, and walking in the light with Godly community. But I am grateful that God forsees the needs of our heart. Even if we think we have the strength for what’s ahead, God ultimately knows what’s ahead, and the Holy Spirit is the only true GPS to the Promised Lands of our lives.
As the pace of my life slowed down and I walked with the Father more deeply, He slowly but surely revealed to me how the pace and the mindsets I was operating from were going to kill me if I used them for the rest of my life.
I won’t go into the details of all the things the Lord has taught me but I wanted to (relatively) briefly share some core lessons from this season of Sabbath. This summer, the Lord has given me some instructions to heed to but I am now resting in His pace, and not striving for the prophetic promises and calling upon my life.
Here we go:
Lesson #1: Graced Pace
There is a pace to the promised land that I am graced for that will not cause me to compromise my integrity (righteous living), my devotion to God, and the God-given limitations of my mind, body, and spirit.
Lesson #2: God Elevates
God will open ALL DOORS of elevation for me. He is the God of promotion. My responsibility is obedience and devotion.
I had a WILD testimony this season of God instructing a program coordinator to cancel the scheduled preacher in order to have me preach because God told her that I needed to preach instead. (Listen to the sermon here).
Lesson #3: I am more than my degree(s)
My degree is one small yet integral part of the preparation for my calling. I am more than a student. I am a prophet, I am a daughter worthy of the Father’s praises. God absolutely deconstructed my idol of academics and career. My ambition had NO ROOM to breathe in this season.
Lesson #4: I am worthy of respect and honor
I am worthy of self-respect and respect from others. I do not have to tolerate disrespect from those in my inner circles.
I lost some key friends in this season but God showed me that those who are truly for me and submitted to Him will never dishonor me or the call upon my life in thought, word, or deed.
Lesson #5: I am worthy of grace
I am worthy of care, attention, and GRACE when I fall because of what Jesus did for me on the cross.
God revealed the often performative nature of my obedience to Him. I always felt like things needed to be “perfect” in order to be God. This would cause me to stumble, feeling condemned not because I didn’t meet God’s standards, but because I didn’t meet my own self-imposed standards of what I thought God wanted.
Being so consumed with my own personal assumptions and expectations of myself, I would often miss the opportunities when God was simply desiring to extend to me more of His grace.
I am grateful for godly community who pointed me to the Cross in my hours of deepest weakness. God works through my fragility and messy personality; not my perfection (2 Corinthians 4:6-9).
6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
Lesson #6: Obedience is Love
Any behavior rooted in fear is legalism (an invitation for the religious spirit to lead) and is not worth pursuing— even if it’s an attempt to follow a word from God. The only actions that bear fruit are those on the foundation of God’s love and His pursuit of me— this is true obedience.
Lesson #7: God cares about my emotions
My fears and emotions are worth paying attention to because they will drain me whether I choose to acknowledge them or not.
“What you don’t know is killing you is already killing you”
(Rob Weimer, Soul Care).
This was a season of staring the hidden killers to my purpose and rest in God face to face.
Lesson #8: The Secret Interior Life matters most
Priority should always be given to cultivating a thriving secret-inner life with God and loved ones before the image/ministry/work done before the outside world. Thus, the call to step away from Instagram!
Lesson #9: Family is revival
I am called to love and to be loved in family. This is revival.
True revival isn’t about how many people I preach to but how many people are deeply welcomed into a family of love.
If I am not loving those closest to me, I am calling people to less than what God has for me.
I must first model and live what I desire to preach.
Lesson #10: I am graced to be a prophet
I am loved. I am graced to be a prophet. It is not works-based. I cannot work to maintain the office. “And he has appointed some with grace to be apostles, and some with grace to be prophets…” (Ephesians 4:11 TPT).
God called me in a prophet in the secret place for years before my public ministry as a prophet of God. Once the ministry was birthed to the public, I picked up this subtle yet destructive lie that I needed to “maintain” people’s view of me as someone who could prophesy and move in all of the other gifts and abilities that prophets are meant to have.
The Lord had to constantly remind me that I wasn’t working to stay in the office, it was a part of who I was. The calling to the prophetic was not one of works but of identity. Any effort to grow in the prophetic or in the office is simply a call to walk more deeply in who I’ve always been. Spiritual imposter syndrome died in this season. It doesn’t matter what people say of me, how many people reject or accept me, deny me or speak my praises, I am loved by the father and called to serve Him, not please man (Galatians 1:10 TPT).
“I’m obviously not trying to flatter you or water down my message to be popular with men, but my supreme passion is to please God. For if all I attempt to do is please people, I would fail to be a true servant of Christ.”(Galatians 1:10 TPT).
Lesson #11: Character growth is a lifelong journey
I am called to character development before the LORD so ministry in Him can be sustainable and bear fruit for generations to come. Most importantly, so that even in the storms of life, my roots will always be in His Word, His unconditional love for me.
God revealed to me my immaturity not to condemn me but to lead me on a journey of growth!
I cried out one night, “God I am immature! Mature me in you, by your grace! I can’t do it in my own strength.” He has been so faithful to answer my prayer, and I know He will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
May I always be growing in my character until the day that I die. May I never “arrive”; may I always be a student of His Word, the prophetic, and all that He calls me to.
“…Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures[d] will develop in us patient endurance. 4 And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. 5 And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy,[e] because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!” (Romans 5:3-5 TPT)
Lesson #12: I have permission to wrestle
Wrestling and confusion is a part of the journey (Genesis 32:22-32). God’s only expectation is that I would be humble, say yes, leading a lifestyle of repentance and surrender.
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly[a] with your God. (Micah 6:8 NIV)
Lesson #13: Love is everything
I AM UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED AND CARED FOR. God cares about my holistic health and well-being.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to love…
1 Corinthians 13 in the Passion Translation says:
If I were to speak with eloquence in earth’s many languages, and in the heavenly tongues of angels,[a] yet I didn’t express myself with love,[b] my words would be reduced to the hollow sound of nothing more than a clanging cymbal.
2 And if I were to have the gift of prophecy[c] with a profound understanding of God’s hidden secrets, and if I possessed unending supernatural knowledge, and if I had the greatest gift of faith that could move mountains,[d] but have never learned to love, then I am nothing….
Love never stops loving.[n] It extends beyond the gift of prophecy, which eventually fades away.[o] It is more enduring than tongues, which will one day fall silent. Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten.[p] 9 Our present knowledge and our prophecies are but partial,[q] 10 but when love’s perfection arrives, the partial will fade away.[r] 11 When I was a child, I spoke about childish matters, for I saw things like a child and reasoned like a child. But the day came when I matured, and I set aside my childish ways.
12 For now we see but a faint reflection of riddles and mysteries[s] as though reflected in a mirror, but one day we will see face-to-face.[t] My understanding is incomplete now, but one day I will understand everything, just as everything about me has been fully understood. 13 Until then, there are three things that remain: faith, hope, and love—yet love surpasses them all.[u] So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run.[v]
This season was and continues to be a reminder that love is the beginning, the middle, and the end of my journey for my God is a God of love. If I am not walking out of a revelation of His love, then I am not living in the abundant life that He has for me. This does not mean things aren’t hard; it means that I have unshakeable faith to know that whatever comes my way I am His and He is mine.
Romans 8 in the Passion Translation says:
28 So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together for good,[aa] for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose. 29 For he knew all about us before we were born and he destined us[ab] from the beginning to share the likeness of his Son. This means the Son is the oldest among a vast family of brothers and sisters who will become just like him.
30 Having determined our destiny ahead of time, he called us to himself and transferred his perfect righteousness to everyone he called. And those who possess his perfect righteousness he co-glorified with his Son![ac]
The Triumph of God’s Love
31 So, what does all this mean? If God has determined to stand with us, tell me, who then could ever stand against us? 32 For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all,[ad] he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give….
35 Who could ever divorce us from the endless love of God’s Anointed One? Absolutely no one! For nothing in the universe has the power to diminish his love toward us. Troubles, pressures, and problems are unable to come between us and heaven’s love. What about persecutions, deprivations,[ag] dangers, and death threats? No, for they are all impotent to hinder omnipotent love,…
37 Yet even in the midst of all these things, we triumph over them all, for God has made us to be more than conquerors,[ai] and his demonstrated love is our glorious victory over everything![aj]
So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles,[ak] fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. 39 There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!
Father, this is my prayer:
Father, help me to be at peace with my calling, to no longer live as a victim, but as a victor—to rest in my identity as the prophet to the nations you have called for such a time as this, to believe you when you call me apostle and speak to me regarding your children accordingly. Help me to love you more, to see you more, to believe you more. Establish me in Zion. Build my faith. Help me see and know that you are good, and you are God for I love you dearly. LORD, transform ME, encourage ME, equip ME daily to do your will, to receive your love.
To receive more of your power requires an ever-increasing surrender of my own will.
Thank you for crushing me over the past 4 years. Father, deal with my emotional unhealth. In every place of my life where I am not rooted in you, send trials that will unroot me from faulty foundations so that I might place I true trust in the only unshakeable foundation—Jesus Christ.
This is my desire: that my life would be rooted in you so deeply that no matter what wind or storm comes, I would not be shaken.
I confess that I have lived shaken and afraid, hiding from you and from my life and from my call, but today I say COME ALIVE daughter COME ALIVE. I will not hide anymore. I will trust in you and more importantly in who you say I am.
My prayer continues:
Continue to crush me. May the weight of my mantle force me to run to you more passionately in every season.
Lies prevent me from experiencing health, freedom, and maturity in Christ—which is our inheritance.
May I never be satisfied with how much I know you; may I always be growing, ever increasing in my knowledge of you. Take me higher in the things of God.
Break down my walls, open the eyes of my heart that I might see the fullness of you. For you oh Lord, and you alone possess the Words of eternal life that turned these dry bones into an army, these broken pieces into an oak of righteousness, displayed for your glory, advancing the Kingdom of Heaven with each waking day with the words you grant me and the humility you model ever before me.
Give me the grace to surrender and let go of everything that keeps me from walking in step with my calling.
Thank you Father, for the opportunity to know you. I declare that all other ground is sinking sand. I declare that every attack of the enemy will be the platform for every elevation in the Spirit for I am seated with Christ Jesus in Heavenly places. What a privilege!
Lord heal the cracks in my identity so that I can be free to love you and love those around me the way you have loved me. I am sorry for my judgmental attitudes. I judge because I have hated my own myself. Help me to love who I am in you.
I repent.
Jesus fix me. Fix what is broken inside of me. Give me an encounter with you today that will change it all. In Jesus’ name. Amen! <3
