The Seasons of Discernment

Seasons of discernment are not easy. As much as we would like to put together a perfect bow, a perfect how to on the discernment process, the reality is, especially in moments of transition it will never be an “easy” process.

It requires not only the discipline of the spirit but the engagement of the whole soul: mind, will, and emotions. If we don’t deal with our hurts, our past traumas, our mistakes, allow wise counsel to call out our blind spots, we run the risk of deep error. We run the risk of losing greater depths of intimacy with Him.

I am coming out of a deep season of discernment concerning where God wants me planted over these next nine months. Several options, several opportunities have been presented to me. I thought I knew what God was saying but then things got more complicated the more I prayed, and the more I sought counsel. I wasn’t confused; I was desiring for God to cut through all of the noise in my soul, and speak clearly. I wanted the light to pierce through the caverns of my soul so I could see clearly. Not simply so I could have the “right” answer but so that I could see Him more clearly. I knew coming into this season, that by the end of it, on the other side of it, I wanted to see Him more clearly. It didn’t matter where He ultimately placed me so long as I had more of Him.

I am so glad to say I am out of the season. I’ve made the decisions that needed to be made, scary as they may have been, and I have come out closer to God, more deeply in love with God; the love of God has pierced darkness I didn’t know was there. It was scary. It’s always scary when the Most Holy God, Creator of Heaven and earth comes into your soul with the Most Perfect Light. Everything you thought you had in order, He exposes as chaos. Not because it’s not “good” but because He desires to prune for the sole purpose that you might bear more fruit in Him.

These last 5 months, has been the hardest discernment process of my life thus far. In this season, God kept leading me back to answer the question: what do you want? In my blog post, “Lessons Learned from Shifting into the Apostolic Office,” I share that I realized in this season that what I desired the most, in fact, the only thing I desired, was and is: contentment. The Psalm 23 contentment of which David speaks. I realized that with all of my building and laboring for the Kingdom, I wasn’t content. Why? Because I still found my worth in timelines, accomplishments, productivity, in doing.

I’ve been on Sabbath since graduating from Princeton University at the end of May. I’ve still been progressing on the business and ministry work before me but, in obedience to the Holy Spirit, I willingly took on a slower pace which meant less income, less growth, less “fruitfulness” the way the old me might have defined it. But in this slower pace, while it looked like in the natural I lost, in the Spirit, I gained everything.

 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? Matthew 26:16 ESV

This year, I chose to prioritize the health of my soul. Above ministry, above business, above career, above personal growth with things I know I am called to, like guitar, piano, French, and other skills, I chose to slow down and listen. I listened to God but there were many moments when I couldn’t hear, and in those moments, I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to cry out to God from the depths of my soul. I was prompted to lament, I was prompted to praise, and while it didn’t produce definitive answers, it produced the fruits of the Spirit in my soul.

This, I decided, was more than enough.

I sought God for daily bread. Each day, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and fear would somehow resurface. I didn’t condemn myself, I brought it to God. I allowed God to peel back the layers in my soul that I couldn’t see. I allowed Him to expose the root, to explain its origins, and to unroot with all the gentleness, kindness, and love that He is and that He embodies.

How do we successfully navigate seasons of transitions where the discernment process can and will change the trajectory of our lives? We come back to the basics. We rest in His love. We refuse to get up from the secret place, until not only He has spoken but until we have wrestled with God, until He has changed our name, and we find peace, we choose to rest in our eternal, unconditional contentment in Him. Once we make our home here, the direction becomes clear, and the next step becomes clear. I am not afraid. I am not afraid of the future. I am not afraid of my past. I am not afraid of my present. I choose to rest in the love of God.

In this year of discernment in the midst of transition, I have not lost any time, I have gained wholeness. From this place of deep healing, contentment, and satisfaction, I move forward in my obedience to God’s assignment on my life, keeping Him forever first place, protecting both my hunger and desire for Him through continual obedience and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.

I am eternally grateful for this miracle of God.

My prayer, for you as well in this season of your life is the prayer of the Apostle Paul:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,

from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,

that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,

may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,

and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21 ESV